If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
