cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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