I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
