Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
