you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
