I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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