Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
