Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
