he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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