he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize