the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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