Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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