There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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