dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
