He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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