If i come over, it means nothing
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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