playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize