you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
