Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
