That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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