Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
