Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
