Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
