it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And then he peed in my hair
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