What a fucking waste of an outfit
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
