I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
