that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You are a genius and a whore.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize