I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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