Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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