youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
