I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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