yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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