I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
