Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize