Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
