Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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