You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
