It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
