This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But break dance skills will only take you so far
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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