Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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