I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize