For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
