I puked a lego.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
