Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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