just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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