OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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