he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize