I'm going to jail i love you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
