True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
