she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
