Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
