I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
