There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Less talking, more tequila
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
