Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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