Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
