It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
