Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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