I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
