i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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