she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
