can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize