Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
