I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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