I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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