he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
