I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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